BEING A DICK

-
I was watching a movie, the title escapes me…but I remember a line a woman had when talking to a man and referring to his penis….”I don’t know how you guys live with that thing between your legs”. What a great line and a genuine observation. Having a dick ain’t easy. I mean sure we can pee just about anywhere comfortably, but besides that, it can be really annoying. To provide more insight, Innocent Thoughts of a Guilty Man presents: " Being a Dick".



int. apartment bedroom - day

DAVID ANTHONY wakes up to the sound of his facebook messenger going off. DICK is also up due to what he calls, "Morning Wood".

DICK
Hey, hey, I see you up.

DAVID ANTHONY
I see you're up too.

DICK
Damn right I'm up. You know what we should do today?

DAVID ANTHONY
What's that Dick?

DICK
The same thing I tell you to do everyday. Try and get some ass.

DAVID ANTHONY
You know what Dick. I'm not in the mood for your shit today. I have a lot to get done. I have no idea what I am going to write for today's blog, I've got to get to work, and I we don't have any prospects to get some ass. So be quiet.

DICK
Well you need to get off your ass and go find some ass, because I'm tired of being jerked around here.

DAVID ANTHONY
Eat a dick Dick.

int. corporate office - day (later)
David Anthony works diligently at his desk when Dick, unprovoked, decides he's going to stand up and speak.

DICK
What the f*ck are you doing?

DAVID ANTHONY
I'm working Dick.

DICK
Working on bagging some hoes?

DAVID ANTHONY
No Dick. I don't want any hoes, I want someone special.

DICK
Every woman with a vagina is special to me.

DAVID ANTHONY
We know Dick. We know.

DICK
I'm just saying, you exercise your body on the regular, why can't I get my "exercise"?

DAVID ANTHONY
Seriously, this is an office, it's not the time for you to be parading around.

DICK
I don't give f*ck where we at. You shouldn't have worn these pants, you know they rub me right.

DAVID ANTHONY
I look good in these pants.

DICK
No, I look good in these pants.

DAVID ANTHONY
Go away Dick!

int. bar - happy hour - evening
David Anthony sits at the bar having a drink. Several drinks. A pretty girl sits next to him.

DICK
I smell vagina.

DAVID ANTHONY
Easy Dick. Be cool. We're only here for a few drinks.

DICK
Nah, screw that. Do your thing.

DAVID ANTHONY
Absolutely not. Brain, please tell Dick to shut the hell up.
BRAIN is drunk.

BRAIN
Huh, what? Oh, um...nah Dick is right...you should say hello.

DAVID ANTHONY
Dammit. I hate when you two are working together. That's it. We're going home.

BRAIN
Nooooooo don't be such a baby.

DICK
Come on man seriously, we are way to sexy not to be getting any.

DAVID ANTHONY
Both of you guys suck. I'm out.
David Anthony leaves the bar.

int. apartment bedroom - night
David Anthony gets ready for bed.

DICK
You know what? The next time you get some ass, I'm gonna act up.

DAVID ANTHONY
You better not.

DICK
You don't control me. I'm gonna come real quick and go to sleep.

DAVID ANTHONY
Dick don't make me beat you.

DICK
Oh you'd like that wouldn't you ya self abuser?

David Anthony lays down.
DAVID ANTHONY
Good night Dick.

DICK
Yeah whatever. Get some sleep, you are going to need it for tomorrow.

DAVID ANTHONY
Why, what are we going to do tomorrow?

DICK
The same thing I try to do every day fool, try and get some ass.

David Anthony goes to sleep.
THE END.

*special shout out to Chris Brown for that hilarious picture*


*Innocent Thoughts of a Guilty Man*


Location: Los Angeles, CA, USA

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

TRANSITIONS

-
Image
  It's crazy to watch, to see it all happening right before your eyes... I've managed to watch young boys become men... players become fathers... party goers and bar hoppers become home depot shoppers and PTA participants. I've witnessed the strongest of men become fragile, and weak. The most independent of women become dependent and sedentary. What is the point of this circle of life we all seem to be engaged in... the experience of our very own existence within the circumference of birth and death... what is there to be learned? What is there to understand within it all... I stare up into the cosmos of all that is and will be... all that lives underneath the sun and moon and question the why of it.. the how of it... we live forever and yet we live for a moment... moment to moment... collecting each like lightning bugs in the summers of our youth... These moments that build us and define us... whether it's the young black English teacher that hands you a book that wil...
Read more

MANHOOD 101: RULES AND REGULATIONS FOR MEN TAKING SELFIES

-
Image
"A selfie is a self portrait photograph, typically taken with a digital camera or camera phone held in the hand or supported by a selfie stick. Selfies are often shared on social networking services such as Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter. They are usual flattering and made to appear casual. Most selfies are taken with a camera held at arms length or pointed at a mirror, rather than by using a self timer." -Wikipedia You do it, I do it, we all do it. We take selfies. But for men, there need to be some manly restrictions to such vain activity, and I am here to lay some ground rules, a few man laws in which my brothers should govern themselves. There are really only 3 good reasons to take a selfie...and all of them whether directly and or indirectly should be for the benefit of bagging a lady. REASON #1: TO GAIN ACCESS TO VAGINAL EXTREMITIES: AKA GETTING SOME ASS. All dudes have a bathroom mirror post with their shirt off and if they say they don't then...
Read more

DR. SEUSS KEEPS IT REAL

-
Image
A father and son were riding in the car, To the House of Cheeks, for a drink at the bar The son was scrolling through I.G. with great lust, The father saw the phone, and said what the f*ck is this? He took the phone from his son and stared at the screen, Looked back at his son, his eyes looked so mean. I do not like these thirsty thots, I do not like their thirsty thoughts, I shall not like their thirsty pics, For all they do is tease the dick, I do not like to play their games , You come and go as if your running things, I would not sweat you in a bar, I would not sweat you in your car. I would not sweat you on the beach, I would not sweat you on the streets. Get away from me these thirsty thots, Trying to trap me with your thirsty shots, Your yoga pants and ill fitted tops, Pushing your boobies up to the top, Pictures you take in your draws for me to view With dumbass captions like, "what are you up to"? Clearly I'm looking at this picture of yo...
Read more