INNOCENT THOUGHTS OF A GUILTY MAN

He so unnormal, he so damn crazy, Why he not falling in love, why he not making babies? Getting married to a girl whom he can call his baby? Martin and Gina love boy you so crazy. Like why I can't settle down like I'm supposed to, Find someone to share my life and get closed to But suppose you knew the odds before you got involved, Like half of every marriage is going to be dissolved. So in your mind you just playing the percentages, Living your life free and going wherever the adventure is, But you need somebody you can love and to share it with, But a lovely moment shared with a stranger I strangely cherish it. I'm not saying I'm over love but maybe over the normal, Of the worldly expectations society demands I conform to, Unnormal, and yet still so damn formal, I might fall in love but to be fair I warned you.

Educated young brother he was always thirsty for knowledge, On a quest for the American dream so he went on to college, He earned himself a degree and then went on to get his Master's He had skills in his craft and went on to learn from a master, Rooted in a strong foundation from the day that he was born, It's no wonder he found his passion in his architectural drawing, But just like construction, even when you have instructions Life can take a turn and have you ready for eruption. So he said to me "I know I'm never perfect but still I pursuit it" A man dedicated to his principles and I knew it, on some school sh*t,  We been best friends since we rocked shoulder pads, And now here we stand as much older lads. Both talking about old teammates and how their all Dads Wondering when our time will come and does that make us bad, And I'm mad, because he's too good to be alone. But for his own reason he not ready to make his house...

"I meant to love you" he said, as he stared in her eyes. It was his moment of truth to see through all of the lies, A beautiful lie, for him to lie next to someone so beautiful These illusions that we've created in our mind look what they do to you. We knew it couldn't work but yet we spent the time to work it, We knew we'd never perfect it but yet we hoped it could be perfect. Was it worth it? Yes indeed, every minute we spend. Who's to say it's not real even though we playing pretend? But even when you pretending you still know that there's an ending, Your heart wasn't available for purchase, so I was only renting. And times up, the door to your heart has a notice of eviction. And it's not really a surprise because I created this prediction. I'm no good for you, and I can see now that you know that. I'm no good for me either, but there's no way I can go back. A cursed soul with a haunted heart is never easy to love...

He posted in the group, "Are there any good black women left"? And they answered " hell yes, but all you niggas is deaf". It's like we screaming to be heard, but y'all don't ever listen.. No all y'all want is Jordan, you never checking for Pippen. Yeah maybe he not a star, but he be playing his role. He not selling a million shoes, but yet he's rich in his soul. You too caught up in Power, you fall in love with a Ghost, So when he disappear on you, so do your dreams and your hopes, And be like, y'all brothers ain't shit, ya' so quick, To slide up in every girl that be sweating your dick. With your Tinders, and Happn, all you do is swipe, Good girls get left, when them hoes get you right. And you right, them hoes is everywhere, they always there, But we talking about the good ones who act like they don't care. I mean we out here but when we text we can't get a reply, You too busy in the DM's of some terrib...

It's not you it's me he said, As he wiped the tears from his eyes. I keep repeating the same mistakes he said, It's high time I realized. That this won't work, this won't do, It's always me, it's never you. I see the clues, where are my shoes? It's time that I left, I think I should move, Cause we just go round n' round ' round n' round You pick me up, you put me down. And I act just like a child, No I can't be your baby now. Cause I don't feel like a man when I'm with you, I don't like who I am when I'm with you, And it's not you it's me, I don't mean to come off disrespectful. It's just I know now what the problem is, And the problem is us being we. I've been fighting for us to be together, But that's just not meant to be. So let me say good bye to you, Let's share a cry or two And when they ask what happened, You can say it's me, it's not you.

The air was cool and the sky grey as he made his way through the streets of the city heading back home. There were children out playing and parents observing, friends on street corners laughing and joking, and couples standing in line to get into the newest restaurant on the block. He walked passed them all quietly, headphones on, blocking out the noise of the day. His routine was one of familiarity, yet everyday he enjoyed it with a sad peacefulness to it. This was the closest he would get to feeling like a part of something, the few minutes he had on the street amongst the world. A stranger smiles at him and nods, the kind act of an unknown perks him up, if only for a moment. He enters his stone brick apartment building, rides up the elevator, and enters his apartment. There is no welcome home, nobody there waiting to ask him how his day was. Nobody to listen to a silly story that happened at work or to hug and hold and simply be silent with. He stared out his window and watched...

She said that she loved him,  But she wasn't in love with him anymore. There's a difference between the two feelings, One that she could no longer ignore. She said she had to move on, She had dreams she needed to go chase, He was just trying to hold on, As the tears flowed down his face. "Did I do something wrong", he asked? "Was my love not all that you needed"? "Maybe she found someone else", he thought? Could that have been the reason? Nonetheless she packed her bags and left, Months went by without one word. Until one day he received a post card, His heart stopped, he knew it was her. It said how much she missed him, And how she wished that they could talk, She understands why he took his position, When she packed her bags and walked. But she was hoping when she got back, They could at least spend a little time. He could already feel his heart crack, But he wanted to appear as if he was fine. So they decided to have ...

Once upon a time there was a man living his life, And he wondered the earth in search of his wife, He was hoping and hoping that he would soon find love, And be with the woman he constantly dreamed of... After years of never finding the love that he seeked, It appeared his luck had changed, because he had now found three. This situation was lucky he thought, this has to be so rare, But not as lucky as hoped it to be, poor David and his three bears. The first bear the prettiest thing he'd ever seen, She had a smile so perfect she could be in a magazine Her eyes were so pretty, damn they were so pretty, She'd walk the streets and stop all the traffic in the city, But it's hard to fall in love when nobody wants to fall, And you in two different places, she's summer, and he's fall. So no matter how much you talk you always in different seasons, And it all falls apart even though they have different reasons. And he wants to say something, he wants to t...

Sitting all alone on the phone conversation with Momma, Told her how I feel about chasing my dreams, You see the closer that you get to touching the sun, The other stars to reach are further than they seem, What do you mean my son? The concerned look on her face I said I'm only getting older take a look at my space. I realized all this on my last trip home, You see I've only had a place I never had me a home, And everybody moving on, my brother got his own, Kids calling him daddy, boys getting grown. Proud to watch him live and be a family man, As I young boy I dreamed about making family plans, Vacation to Disney World and hold my families hand, Morning bus chronicles and overpriced mini-vans. But there ain't no love in the heart of city, Hollywood is full of glamour but the road ain't pretty, But no pity, after all, I'm in love with the grind. Alone in my apartment with my heart and my mind, I made goals for myself, and I ...

I remember, I remember love, yeah how could I forget? I remember every memory of passion and pain, Sit back and reminisce. I remember you came to town in the fall, At at a time when my heart was coldest. And you warmed it up right from the start, Had me feeling like baby you can hold this... And I knew that you noticed, And I knew that you know this, Took me back to my high school days, Like girl who do yo go with? Cause you somebody I can grow with, You somebody I can show it, Show you the real me, Cause I know you can feel me, Fell in love so quickly, and Yeah we both guilty. The love too appealing, Alone with a broken heart, Hoping you can heal me, Take your time keep it real please. If this is real please, don't let it fall apart. I just hope we know what we're doing. Can't stop once we start. Remember how used it to feel... You laying in the bed and your head on my chest Remember how it used to feel. Getting chills from the wet of you kis...

I got this girl pregnant once...yeah hell of a way to start a blog I know, but sh*t I'm just thinking out loud here. I was young, like a sophomore in college at home for spring break. The fact that I got a girl pregnant isn't what's important and or spectacular about this story. What is, is that she never told me. Not until about five years later when we happened to get together and hang out. No she didn't take me on Maury or anything, she didn't pop up at my door step with some child I had never seen before and tell me I was a father. Instead she told me that she didn't keep it. First reaction was how do I know if she's lying?...but I thought about that night....she wasn't. Besides, who makes up that kind of lie? Second reaction was why? She stated how I was in college and she didn't want to ruin my life. How she knew it was just a fling and even though we were serious in high school, she knew we had a lot of life to live and growing up to do. ...

It's been five years since I have been in a relationship. Five years since I could even relate to sh*t. Five years since I heard I love you,  Or baby you the best, or there's nobody but you.  It's been five years since that break up, Five long years since we walked away, And I aint mean to take this long to love, But life just always gets in the way.  Year one, I only wanted fun, You know hit and run, get it in and I'm done. Then I'm back in the clubs looking for another one, When she asks my name, I just say I'm the one. Phone full of numbers, pocket full of rubbers, I guess you could say I didn't really care, I just knew I was hurt, so I would go out and flirt, To replace the thought of her not being here. Then year two came and not much changed, I was still living fast in these streets, Thinking time would change her mind, And we'd fall back in love when we meet. But that meeting never happened, Cause baby ...

Sitting in the hotel bar drinking Jameson, Wondering to myself, damn, what's her name again? Similar situation, the one that I am always in. And we talk about the separate worlds that we're both living in, She says "she's never gonna settle down, no not again, The situations changed these men are no longer gentlemen, They not opening doors, and no longer pull out your seat. They not taking care of the home, But yet they expect to eat". I say "your experiences seem to be so individual, You can't blame the world because of one individual". "But if that one person is your world and they blow it up, Everybody gets hit in the crossfires cause love is physical". That information she provided was truly pivotal, I understood her so much better those words were critical. I told her "I been hurt before, better yet I've been crushed, When love hits you that hard who do you fucking trust? Or do you shut down the emotion and...

Have you ever been outside on a summers day and caught a sun-shower.... This is the purest reflection of life It's the mixture of sun and rain like the pleasure and the pain The beautiful struggle of the pursuing the life I realize that this moment reflects me the best Because when I look in the mirror I see a beautiful mess The sun is, when it's the funnest, me and my runners Flying through the city posting pictures for the world to see But you never saw the rain and the pain When I get home and I'm alone as can be. Or a single mother, losing her lover, Raising them kids all on her own Never home she working hard as can be But when she gets a day off, The hard work creates a pay off Holding her child in her arms always setting her free. The sun is feeding the flowers just like rain is But what's insane is, how they're viewed so differently Because in order to grow, to reap what you sow The pain amplifies the pleasure to the hundredth degre...