INNOCENT THOUGHTS OF A GUILTY MAN

He lay in bed next to her, neither speaking nor moving. He noticed that she covered herself to leave the room, something in the past she would have never done. But this wasn't the past, or was it? Perhaps they had slipped off into this alternate reality where they simply couldn't move on from each other, where they couldn't let each other go. He searched for meaning to it all as she searched for her underwear. For him it all still meant something, and for her nothing. She said goodbye as easily as she said hello, and he... well he masked his hurt with clever jokes and witty lines. He lay in bed next to her, neither speaking nor moving. He wanted desperately to hold her, but every time he tried to touch her his hands would simply go through her...as if he were literally grabbing at the past...trying to clench to it... The laughter sounded the same, the smiles looked familiar, and the inside jokes were still inside... and yet... nothing felt like the present...it was back t...

Brandon had grown tired of the fourteen hour days he had been putting in with little to no help from his co-workers whom conveniently found excuses to leave early every day. So on this particular Friday, with the sun high in the sky and the air summer time warm, he began wrapping things up quietly as to go unnoticed. While everyone else was tied up watching the latest viral video on YouTube he put on the blazer to his well tailored heather grey suit, straightened his navy blue tie, put on his designer shades, and slipped out the back door. A Devilish grin appeared on his face as he stepped into the sunlight, like a prisoner stepping out of the clutches of his capturer, he was free. He made his way through the crowded streets of downtown Manhattan and the seas parted for him as he strutted along towards his destination. He could hear the bass softly as he rode on the elevator going up and up and up. Straight to the top, he thought to himself, taking the time to smooth out his wav...

He loved her. That alone was the problem, and the solution. It was his greatest strength, and his most vulnerable weakness. The selfishness of his love was terrorizing him... holding him hostage and greedily unwilling to let him go. Her love reminded him of the ocean, at times clear and pure and easy to see, and then dark and murky, full of danger and unknowns. Like waves crashing into the shore as he stood on the wet sands. Sometimes the water would gently come up to his feet, and other times the waves would rush in almost knocking him over. He stood on the edge of the water always cautious and yet always care free. No matter the temperature he would surely run right in given the chance. He hated who he was with her, but he loathed who he was without her. The lonely sailor lost at sea. Surrounded by the endless depths it became hard to tell where the ocean stopped and the sky began. And this is how he felt with her, as if up were down and down were up. Certainly he would love to find ...

The sun was high in the sky this particular Spring day in Los Angeles with not one cloud to find like one big lemon drop in a big blue ocean. I walked the streets of Hollywood with old friends I had not seen in some time, not since I left the brick laid streets of Baltimore in search of a passion I could not let go of... They often advertise about Dreams and how far they can take you, but they never really mention, that they also can take you far away from people you care about, people you love. After hours of marching through the tourist crowded streets of Hollywood and Highland, laughing at poorly dressed street performers, smiling at the hands in the concrete of the stars who's legacies were cemented in eternity, and jumping back from the people draped in live pet snakes, we made our way to a quiet back street in a tucked away place that only few knew about, those who needed to know. As we came off the elevator to the roof top level the sun seemed closer, the breeze warmer, ...

She keep on blowing up my phone, She probably think that I ain't home, She yelling   where the fuck you been? I yell out what fuck you want? See you ain't call me in a while, And you barely ever speak. I been out here on my grind, You probably grinding on them freaks See, miss me with that shit. You probably don't even miss me, shit If you looking for a compliment, That's exactly what you won't get. Cause I told you from the start, I'm gonna be just who I am, I'm trying to squeeze that ass, I'm not trying to hold your hand. You always trying for romance, Yeah you always on your scheme, But you not dealing with reality, You too caught up in your dream. Oh that's how you wanna play? Oh that's what you got to say? So now you don't care at all, But when we be fucking in them sheets You be staring in my eyes, As I rock that ass to sleep You say   "this pussy got me weak" And that I...

The days are getting shorter, the nights are getting colder, telling myself it's over... Summer time is over, and only having her some of the time, I need that to be over, I think I should be closer, she wants me to move closer, so maybe I can come over, I just want time to hold her, lay her head on my shoulder, let her know what it's like to fall in love with a soldier. I'm a confident man, I know who I am, but her eyes always make me weak, Should I change who I am, just to hold her hand, or do I just go on being me? What do you mean? I mean what do you mean? You mean continue being mean? Savage lifestyle in these streets being catered by women that you know you don't even need? I mean that's what they expect you to be, expectations you can't seem to exceed, Because you pretend that you don't wanna stop, but there's so much more that you really need. They say fake it until you make it, well we can't afford to fake it, and I don't...

I remember the first time that I saw her, The first time she ever got close. I remember falling in love with her freckles, Trying to decide which one I loved most. I would spend hours trying to count them, But there was always one I'd miss. I would draw circles with my tongue all around them, There wasn't one I didn't try to kiss. She was my beautiful freckled face baby, She was my spotted Leopard of love, Her body all speckled and amazing, It drove me crazy with every touch. I would daydream about our kids, We'd have a whole little freckled bunch, And we'd argue over the names we'd give, I'd say Cashmere and she'd say "You're nuts", But somethings aren't meant to be, I guess somethings aren't meant to last, But she's still my beautiful freckled face baby, And I reminisce on our spotted past.

She just wants some of my time, She wants to know what I have on my mind. She wants me to come over and lie, Next to her on the bed and tell truth, no lies. She asks me to look in her eyes, Asking me what I be doing when I'm out with the guys, She know the girls flirt so she won't be surprised. She's just hoping none of them are my type. Asking why I don't type? She sends a message I never reply, And I get ghost when it's late in the night, I only come close in the heat of the light. She say I'm always disappearing on the weekends, Probably at the bar with some broad who is freaking, Or at the condo letting all the freaks in, Listening to The Weeknd, trying to get them freaking This whole thing stinks, you smell like sex, boy your wreaking. I know light skin girls are not your only weakness, I heard you been in Spanish Harlem fucking with a Puerto Rican, How many other girls with whom are you speaking, And I know summer coming and you won...

I fall in love too fast romanticizing the situation, Ready to be in love before we even started dating. I guess in part it's due to my vivid imagination, Skip to happily ever after I have no time for patience. Meet a girl, get a number, text but never call back, Auditioning for love but you never get a call back. Couldn't act the part so I guess you gotta fall back, Nickelodeon dreams, but it's never all that. I guess it's all because I grew up a Disney Kid, Wanting to fall in love just like the Disney characters did, Looking for Cinderella hoping that glass slipper fits, Magic carpet rides through the city watching the sun set. So when I see her for the first time, it's love at first sight Birds chirping all around gliding in the sunlight And our first conversation is a song that we sing right, Lyrics so powerful the stars seem to take flight. But Quasimodo was the hero but he didn't get the girl, Looks are still everything, it's the per...

I wanna fall in love like they do in the movies, Pretty young girl hanging on to the ledge. She was ready for it to end before she knew me, But I got there just in time before she went over the edge. The whole world is sinking all around me, But as long as we're together, we have a fighting chance. Ice water in our lungs and we're drowning, But we'll go down together, two lovers holding hands. I wanna fall in love like they do in the pictures, Just when I'd given up on the idea of falling in love, Your words to me are like the greatest scriptures, And I'm the thief in night trying to steal your heart. For the blues of you, you're my muse it's true, Poetry is the sound of the love we make. I tried to play cool, but I knew it was you A love so real, is too hard, to make fake. I wanna fall in love like they do on the screen, My heart stops as soon as I see you across the room. You and I girl, we make the perfect scene, Music starts...

Poor girl, she never really stood a chance, She grew up on movies centered around romance Waiting for her Prince Charming like Cinderella, I guess nobody ever had the heart to really tell her, In the mirror in her white dress covered in lace Sparkly tiara on her head and smile all on her face A young girl believing one day she'd get her glass slipper, Fairy Godmother using her magic to help deliver So every night she sleeps soundly like Snow White, She's already dated seven Dwarfs, the next guy better be right So it's high ho high ho off to work a young lady goes Riding through the poisonous Big Apple with all her woes Staring in her rear view mirror mirror on the wall, Look at all these good for nothing thirsty dudes on my wall She's drowning in loneliness, she's way too far under the sea Poor Ariel there's way too many fish out there to see Love is tough and she need help just to get on her feet The world trying to silence your voice, she ...