INNOCENT THOUGHTS OF A GUILTY MAN

He loved the way she slept. “How is that even possible”, he would ask himself? But it was…and he did. He loved everything about the time they spent together, the way his hand fit in hers, the way she laughed when he was being silly, and how she knew his response to something before it even happened. Familiarity can often be a buzz kill, but with her, it was a turn on. It was sexy to them the comfortableness of the space they shared, the coziness of their stare. He loved how when they went to the movies, after each trailer they would look at each other and shake their head yes or no, always on the same page. It was their thing, and although minuscule , he hoped she shared that with no one else. As they lay in bed she turns to her side and lets out a pout, arching her back. A tell-tale sign that she wanted a back rub. Which of course she knew she would get, as he always obliged. Lying there, rubbing her back, kissing her shoulder, deep in the midst of pure intimacy, the picture perfect ...

He wanted to fall in love so damn fast, He was willing to make the wrong choices. He wanted to fall in love so damn bad, He was ignoring all of the voices. All of the voices in his head, Telling him that he should slow down, But everybody else so far ahead, He didn't wanna be the one left out. See he had a plan for his life, Yeah he had everything worked out. But life don't really care about plans, So naturally things ain't work out. Now he's on the edge of Thirty, Every girl he meets could be the one. So he rushes to fall in love early, Dating is painful it's no longer fun. Cause he was supposed to get married by thirty, First child by the age of thirty - two, A house with a sensible mortgage they could carry, Now she pregnant with child number two. Two car garage and his and her sinks, House in the suburbs where everybody speaks. Family vacations and trips to beach, Hanging Christmas lights on the family tree. He wrote down everything ...

It's been five years since I have been in a relationship. Five years since I could even relate to sh*t. Five years since I heard I love you,  Or baby you the best, or there's nobody but you.  It's been five years since that break up, Five long years since we walked away, And I aint mean to take this long to love, But life just always gets in the way.  Year one, I only wanted fun, You know hit and run, get it in and I'm done. Then I'm back in the clubs looking for another one, When she asks my name, I just say I'm the one. Phone full of numbers, pocket full of rubbers, I guess you could say I didn't really care, I just knew I was hurt, so I would go out and flirt, To replace the thought of her not being here. Then year two came and not much changed, I was still living fast in these streets, Thinking time would change her mind, And we'd fall back in love when we meet. But that meeting never happened, Cause baby ...

Friend request gets sent, Notification that you've been accepted, Now you have expectations, You're fantasies get projected. I say hello, you say hello, Do you know who I am? She says that she knows. So now you just flow, Conversation it flows, You start out a secret, A friend that nobody knows, But the situation grows, Cause feelings got sowed. Now each word can be a weapon, Be careful it might explode.  Cause life changes right by the second And now you feel some type of way, And emotions are running over, Cause you ain't get to speak that day, And they not inviting you over. And saying things like I miss you, Can easily become an issue, We're firing off the emotions, We use them just like a missile. And relationships can be a war, But we supposed to be fighting together. But we across the enemy lines, Guns pointed right at each other. Like damn, didn't we used to be something? I swear we used to be s...

Sleep less, work more, But work with a purpose what do you work for? No pain no gain, so let it hurt more. What is your vision of success what do you search for? They say life is short, but I say is life is long. Which puts an emphasis on decisions, and knowing right from wrong. Although the wrong decisions can teach you the right lesson. Cause learning from mistakes is always the right blessing. Beware of false prophets, those who are teaching lies, You need a teacher's heart and a student's eyes. So you can understand the question, but also have the answer, And walk what you talk and know what you stand for.... And just because they let you down don't mean you let up, And if the world knocks you down, then you just get up, Can't see the future looking at the ground so get your head up, And if the world pissing you off, good, let's get fed up. Cause when your back is up against the wall that's when you really see, What you are made of and ...