A New Year

He sat in his fancy hotel with the fancy view of the fancy city completely exhausted and doing like most of the world, wondering what the year would bring for them. He questioned everything. And those questions only lead to more questions, and very few answers. What did he believe? What did he want? What was achievable? What should he give up on? Who should he give up on?

The clock was getting louder now... the clock of life. He thought about the night before as he was out celebrating the end of one year and the start of the next. To his left, his best friend and what will likely be his wife. To his right, two young, beautiful women, giving eye contact that suggested there were things to be done. He could try and pretend that this was a fork in the road, as if it were really a difficult choice for him. He was who he was. And as much as he admired that other road, as much as he pretended to want it, and sometimes not pretend. He was always going to turn right. 

With a bitter joy he danced with the beautiful stranger with the dark hair in the dark corners of the club. Savoring every lusty look and hoping he could convince himself that this was romantic enough, he could savor this like fuel for his heart, and this moment would keep him going on...

The lonely writer persona was weighing heavy. The banner of innocent thoughts and guilty man sat on his shoulders with the weight of the world. He was restless. Far from at ease. Every decision feels that much larger when you realize you have fewer of them to make. Constantly stuck at almost, not quite, he marched with a quiet confidence into a year of unknowns. 

Staring out the window over the city that never sleeps, bags packed and ready to go back to the city of angels, there was only one thing that he knew with certainty. Before you know it, summer would be back around, and he would be on a rooftop, drinking a beer, smiling at the beautiful stranger with the dark hair... hoping to steal a few moments of romance... and likely... turn her into literature as well.