INNOCENT THOUGHTS OF A GUILTY MAN

He loved the way she slept. “How is that even possible”, he would ask himself? But it was…and he did. He loved everything about the time they spent together, the way his hand fit in hers, the way she laughed when he was being silly, and how she knew his response to something before it even happened. Familiarity can often be a buzz kill, but with her, it was a turn on. It was sexy to them the comfortableness of the space they shared, the coziness of their stare. He loved how when they went to the movies, after each trailer they would look at each other and shake their head yes or no, always on the same page. It was their thing, and although minuscule , he hoped she shared that with no one else. As they lay in bed she turns to her side and lets out a pout, arching her back. A tell-tale sign that she wanted a back rub. Which of course she knew she would get, as he always obliged. Lying there, rubbing her back, kissing her shoulder, deep in the midst of pure intimacy, the picture perfect ...

"I meant to love you" he said, as he stared in her eyes. It was his moment of truth to see through all of the lies, A beautiful lie, for him to lie next to someone so beautiful These illusions that we've created in our mind look what they do to you. We knew it couldn't work but yet we spent the time to work it, We knew we'd never perfect it but yet we hoped it could be perfect. Was it worth it? Yes indeed, every minute we spend. Who's to say it's not real even though we playing pretend? But even when you pretending you still know that there's an ending, Your heart wasn't available for purchase, so I was only renting. And times up, the door to your heart has a notice of eviction. And it's not really a surprise because I created this prediction. I'm no good for you, and I can see now that you know that. I'm no good for me either, but there's no way I can go back. A cursed soul with a haunted heart is never easy to love...

She said that she loved him,  But she wasn't in love with him anymore. There's a difference between the two feelings, One that she could no longer ignore. She said she had to move on, She had dreams she needed to go chase, He was just trying to hold on, As the tears flowed down his face. "Did I do something wrong", he asked? "Was my love not all that you needed"? "Maybe she found someone else", he thought? Could that have been the reason? Nonetheless she packed her bags and left, Months went by without one word. Until one day he received a post card, His heart stopped, he knew it was her. It said how much she missed him, And how she wished that they could talk, She understands why he took his position, When she packed her bags and walked. But she was hoping when she got back, They could at least spend a little time. He could already feel his heart crack, But he wanted to appear as if he was fine. So they decided to have ...

No longer will I let her control me I swear it's over, I won't let her seduce me no more ready for closure. Until I get that text asking me if she can come over, I reply so damn fast I'm knocking everyhthing over. Can't wait for her to get here so I can make the same mistake over, Laying on top of me and I still wish she was closer, But as quickly as she came she right back out the door, Weeks go by and not a word, as if she doesn't need me no more, And I'm wondering what in the world she needs me for, Telling myself wake up, you don't need her no more. Sitting up at night with too much liqour in my system, That' when the demons creep into my thoughts with persistence, Why the hell would she wanna be with you, you nobody? In a city where everybody is paid and drive Bugatti, And you know when she not here she out there, All under some other guy she spending her nights there. I yell shut up, and so what, and I don't really give a fuc...