INNOCENT THOUGHTS OF A GUILTY MAN

The anticipation had been building in the last few days before we were all together again. It's amazing how quickly life goes by and how much you don't realize you miss in the lives of others. Facebook can never really keep you in touch with someone like a good conversation. And even in the dying age of personal communication, time well spent in person with a friend is still one of the more priceless things you can share. This trip, started like all the ones before, with handshakes and hugs, smiles and laughs, and the warming embrace of old friends as we arrived one by one into L.A.X. "How you been man", we asked as if we didn't chat everyday online? But to have a face to the words was comforting, to be able to see the happiness of their expression. We were a blessed group of friends who had the freedom to make a trip amongst all the crazy. After all that's what it's really about, being able to take the time away from it all, and take a moment to b...

I got this girl pregnant once...yeah hell of a way to start a blog I know, but sh*t I'm just thinking out loud here. I was young, like a sophomore in college at home for spring break. The fact that I got a girl pregnant isn't what's important and or spectacular about this story. What is, is that she never told me. Not until about five years later when we happened to get together and hang out. No she didn't take me on Maury or anything, she didn't pop up at my door step with some child I had never seen before and tell me I was a father. Instead she told me that she didn't keep it. First reaction was how do I know if she's lying?...but I thought about that night....she wasn't. Besides, who makes up that kind of lie? Second reaction was why? She stated how I was in college and she didn't want to ruin my life. How she knew it was just a fling and even though we were serious in high school, she knew we had a lot of life to live and growing up to do. ...

Sitting in the hotel bar drinking Jameson, Wondering to myself, damn, what's her name again? Similar situation, the one that I am always in. And we talk about the separate worlds that we're both living in, She says "she's never gonna settle down, no not again, The situations changed these men are no longer gentlemen, They not opening doors, and no longer pull out your seat. They not taking care of the home, But yet they expect to eat". I say "your experiences seem to be so individual, You can't blame the world because of one individual". "But if that one person is your world and they blow it up, Everybody gets hit in the crossfires cause love is physical". That information she provided was truly pivotal, I understood her so much better those words were critical. I told her "I been hurt before, better yet I've been crushed, When love hits you that hard who do you fucking trust? Or do you shut down the emotion and...