INNOCENT THOUGHTS OF A GUILTY MAN

He sat on the train questioning what he was doing, as if he really didn't know. He was making that all too familiar mistake again, his favorite mistake. He was on his way to see her. It had been some time since he’d last seen her, and the last encounter had not gone the way he had hoped. The irony of the Drake lyrics being hummed in his ear, "redemption's on your mind when you think about me", were all too haunting. True she was his favorite mistake, but perhaps, just perhaps, he was hers. A mistake they both would continually make until they got it right or finally gave up. He got off the train to the breezy chill of a spring afternoon by the beach. The air was filled with the voices of friends and family and lovers walking around. People smiling and laughing as if this one day, everyone got to be happy and perhaps he would too. He made his way through the crowds of people growing more nervous with every step closer towards their meeting point. "Be cool", ...

I wish that I never met her, I wish I'd never seen her smile. I wish that I'd never texted her, I wish I never had dialed. I wish that we never linked up, On that sunny afternoon, I wish you never wore that dress, On that summer day in June. I wish I never held your hand, As we walked through central park, And I wish we never went to dance, And we stayed out after dark, I wish we never, girl I wish we never, Cause if it didn't happen, my heart would feel so better. And I wish we never spent the day, Out at the county fair. And I wish I could forget your eyes, The way you wore your hair... I wish it never happened, The first night that we made love, You were standing in my bedroom, Lingerie and pumps, I wish I could take back, Every lovely kiss I placed, I wish I could un-see, The passion on your face, The movement of your waist, The freaky things you say, The ooooh's the ahhhh's We rocked the night away. I wish we never, girl I wish ...

I should’ve tried harder, I should’ve tried to make you a part of my world I should’ve made it clear, I should’ve made you my girl I should’ve of asked you to stay, I should’ve told you not to leave. I should’ve acted better, I should’ve been the man you needed me to be. I should’ve held you a little tighter, I should’ve kissed you a little more I should’ve been there when you needed me, I should’ve never let your feet hit the floor I should’ve said I love you, I should’ve told you the truth. I should’ve listened when you spoke , I should’ve talked to you. I should’ve looked you in the eyes, I should’ve kept you close. I should’ve kept it real, I should’ve loved you the most I could’ve of shown you the world, I could’ve made you smile. I could’ve been your world, I could’ve raised our child. I could’ve spoiled you with you love, I could’ve held your hand. I could’ve made you happy, I could’ve made things grand. I could’ve of stood by your side,...

Well if our love is just a moment, I'll purchase ever second just to say that I have owned it, And in that thought, I pray that you never loaned it. Your heart's my responsibility, so i take the onus, And it's all on us, To protect our moments from the world because they all up on us. Jealous of our love because they can’t repeat our performance. Bitter memories of sweet times, If I could stay sleep I’d be fine, Because my dreams are always of you, Being awake is nightmare I wish I could undo, But if I have to give up my love for your dreams Then you can dance on my heart until your feet bleed. Because what you love, is what I love about you, And to deny you your love, no I’m not about to. All I ask is that you remember me, All the nights I kissed you tenderly, You were such a good friend to me, That’s why I pray the day you return to me.