INNOCENT THOUGHTS OF A GUILTY MAN

The two of them walked into the museum wide eyed and slightly tipsy, intoxicated off the drink, and off the possibilities… the opportunity for a spark to grow, and grow. They walked the corridors of the space, walls filled with art of every kind, and yet, what he admired most was her. She was art to him,  God’s most natural painting. She catches him staring and smiles. It had been so long for him, to have that kind of feeling, the nervousness, the wondering…for far too long he had shut himself off from such a thing. If mastering a skill takes thousands upon thousands of hours, then surely he had mastered the skill of being single. She had spent so many other dates trying not to care, trying not to fall, and she had succeeded in doing that. But this...was different. The harder he tried not to like her, the deeper she penetrated his barriers, and at last, after much struggle, he gave in to her smile, her charm, and let free of all his worries. The two walked the corridors of the mu...

"Are we going to the party", she asked, knowing damn well she didn't want to go? "I don't know, do you want to go", he replied, knowing damn well he didn't want to go, and neither did she? She arched her butt into his pelvis and they spooned even closer. He squeezed his arms around her even tighter. The two lay nude under the covers as the sun set on a warm summer day. They both smelled like the waves of the beach they had spent the earlier part of the day relaxing and drinking at, enjoying silence. He kissed on her neck gently and could sense her slight smile on the other side. "We could go", he said. "Yeah, we could go", she also noted. But neither moved. It was as if there was a welcomed overwhelming force of gravity holding them down in that bed. He moved his hand and cupped her breast as she entangled her feet in his over and over again. Neither of them had even opened their eyes, as if there nothing to see. Their imaginations we...

The sun was high in the sky this particular Spring day in Los Angeles with not one cloud to find like one big lemon drop in a big blue ocean. I walked the streets of Hollywood with old friends I had not seen in some time, not since I left the brick laid streets of Baltimore in search of a passion I could not let go of... They often advertise about Dreams and how far they can take you, but they never really mention, that they also can take you far away from people you care about, people you love. After hours of marching through the tourist crowded streets of Hollywood and Highland, laughing at poorly dressed street performers, smiling at the hands in the concrete of the stars who's legacies were cemented in eternity, and jumping back from the people draped in live pet snakes, we made our way to a quiet back street in a tucked away place that only few knew about, those who needed to know. As we came off the elevator to the roof top level the sun seemed closer, the breeze warmer, ...

He sat on the train questioning what he was doing, as if he really didn't know. He was making that all too familiar mistake again, his favorite mistake. He was on his way to see her. It had been some time since he’d last seen her, and the last encounter had not gone the way he had hoped. The irony of the Drake lyrics being hummed in his ear, "redemption's on your mind when you think about me", were all too haunting. True she was his favorite mistake, but perhaps, just perhaps, he was hers. A mistake they both would continually make until they got it right or finally gave up. He got off the train to the breezy chill of a spring afternoon by the beach. The air was filled with the voices of friends and family and lovers walking around. People smiling and laughing as if this one day, everyone got to be happy and perhaps he would too. He made his way through the crowds of people growing more nervous with every step closer towards their meeting point. "Be cool", ...

Let's pack another suitcase, let's take another trip, You know we get it popping in any city pick. But we heading to Louisiana, where them country girls are thick. But we both some city slickers, they ain't ready for that sh*t. And it's Mardi Gras, we came to here party y'all, Please keep the shots coming cause we here to do it all. And you know how it goes when you light skin and you wavy, And she staring at you thinking about the pretty babies, Making plans for the future, but we making plans too. But our plans end in the morning when the next day comes through, See I'll treat you like a princess baby you are my Cinderella, But when the clock strikes, We both return to the prior status before we met up, But there no tears only thank you's and keep in touch, Because when you're both about the evening, The morning's don't mean that much. Sitting at dinner tables on outdoor patios while it's breezy, Good food, conversation...

I knew we'd never last I just hoped you'd let me smash, Spend some time together and make each other laugh. Spend a whole weekend in the bed making memories, So that 20 years from now I can pop up like you remember me? I was the your west coast lover, do you like no other, And you was my good girl, well according to my mother, Or my brother, speaking of my brother man what up Bam? So glad we back together and stronger then we ever been. Love taking trips in whips with my best friend, Hit on pretty young things in every city we step in, What up frellas, shout out to the 5th, My crew Jedi Knights and even though I'm a Sith, They never force me to go back into light side, They know I'll find my way out the dark at the right time. Speaking of right time, I think it's quite time, To stop falling in love with girls that write on my timeline. Social Media will have your heart hoping for the most, Can't remember the last time I dated a girl on my own ...

It's not you it's me he said, As he wiped the tears from his eyes. I keep repeating the same mistakes he said, It's high time I realized. That this won't work, this won't do, It's always me, it's never you. I see the clues, where are my shoes? It's time that I left, I think I should move, Cause we just go round n' round ' round n' round You pick me up, you put me down. And I act just like a child, No I can't be your baby now. Cause I don't feel like a man when I'm with you, I don't like who I am when I'm with you, And it's not you it's me, I don't mean to come off disrespectful. It's just I know now what the problem is, And the problem is us being we. I've been fighting for us to be together, But that's just not meant to be. So let me say good bye to you, Let's share a cry or two And when they ask what happened, You can say it's me, it's not you.

The air was cool and the sky grey as he made his way through the streets of the city heading back home. There were children out playing and parents observing, friends on street corners laughing and joking, and couples standing in line to get into the newest restaurant on the block. He walked passed them all quietly, headphones on, blocking out the noise of the day. His routine was one of familiarity, yet everyday he enjoyed it with a sad peacefulness to it. This was the closest he would get to feeling like a part of something, the few minutes he had on the street amongst the world. A stranger smiles at him and nods, the kind act of an unknown perks him up, if only for a moment. He enters his stone brick apartment building, rides up the elevator, and enters his apartment. There is no welcome home, nobody there waiting to ask him how his day was. Nobody to listen to a silly story that happened at work or to hug and hold and simply be silent with. He stared out his window and watched...

I think I found One, I think I found the One, But when you solve that problem there's plenty more that come. Cause what about them other girls, what about the other one's? The one's that be asking questions but the answer never comes? Like "what are we? Do we go together? Are we more than friends" How do you tell them that what you had has to come to end? You been sexing but they been trying to make love to your soul, But it's too deep for them to reach and that water way too cold. But this other girl she able to swim  muchdeeper then them, She got past all your guards and she jumped over that fence, And she's been knocking down the walls you built due to other broads And with her love and laugh she managed to get rid of them all, She took away the pain, she blew away the rain, Brought sunshine back into your life, and chased the clouds away. But these "situationships" that I've allowed my self to build, With these other gir...

My heart and my head rarely walk hand in hand, As if my head lives in the city and my heart's laying in the sand. And L.A. has too much traffic so I can't do the back and forth, My heart says settle down but my head keeps me on course. Let's agree to disagree, let me be and I'll let you be. All you give us is regret you been wrong since 23. Remember the pretty girl that you swore was gon' hold you down? Well she did, but under water, love damn near made us drown. But I got us back on course, use your head and try to focus, Keep putting pen to paper, put the whole world on notice. Yeah I know this, the flow is dopeness, but it pumps from my heart, So while you're trying to keep us focused, I stay doing my part. And all ask is where's the love, you know I run off the love? Without me you can't function, I give you all the blood. Hold up now, you tripping, you know how you always sipping, Stay singing drunk and love, you been making bad de...

Dear Friend, I was so tired by the end of our trip I feel I fell short in giving you my thoughts on the things you said. Life, is this troubling thing...it's this broken dream from our childhood...and being an adult...is all about rebuilding that dream with the pieces that are left. I wasn't shocked to hear about your struggles, after all, I know you better than most. The city is a magical place, but when you are surrounded by buildings that reach the sky, one can feel infinitely small and alone. It's only natural that depression can take hold of you. We both live in one of the largest cities in America and yet day after day we walk these streets alone, we pass by thousands of people each day, who we don't know, we don't speak... Both just out there chasing a dream, in love with an idea of who we want to be, and trying to become that. I know how much your Mom passing has changed you; no way such a loss could not. But I wanted to share my favorite memory of he...

To the son I'll probably never have.. From the man you'll never call dad. I just needed to speak my piece, Give you the advice I never had. See in this world so much can go wrong, And it's hard to see the right. The darkness in people's hearts, Can make it hard to see the light... But if nothing else believe in yourself, Make sure you always follow your heart, Even though there will be some times, When that leads to it being torn apart, And when you do experience heart break, Take it from my experience first hand, Becoming a player won't make you feel better, Sexual conquest don't make you a man. Life is what you make it,  Find your talent and embrace it, Your dreams are precious and sacred, Protect them don't let the world take it. If you make a promise try and keep it, A man has to be true to his word. Hard work and determination, Respect isn't given until it's earned. And if you ever find yourself, In a place where yo...

The anticipation had been building in the last few days before we were all together again. It's amazing how quickly life goes by and how much you don't realize you miss in the lives of others. Facebook can never really keep you in touch with someone like a good conversation. And even in the dying age of personal communication, time well spent in person with a friend is still one of the more priceless things you can share. This trip, started like all the ones before, with handshakes and hugs, smiles and laughs, and the warming embrace of old friends as we arrived one by one into L.A.X. "How you been man", we asked as if we didn't chat everyday online? But to have a face to the words was comforting, to be able to see the happiness of their expression. We were a blessed group of friends who had the freedom to make a trip amongst all the crazy. After all that's what it's really about, being able to take the time away from it all, and take a moment to b...

I woke up in a very familiar place, to a very familiar sound, and a very familiar feeling. Lying drunk on the floor, the chirping of the morning brewing through the screen door of the patio, thinking what did I do last night, and more importantly, what did I not do? We danced, we drank, we talked, we lied, we were too honest, we lived. We traveled the world in one night through conversation. I learned of her past by touching her skin as we grinded on the hot dance floor to best of 2015 hits. What a time, to be alive. And alive we were. Reaching a level of confidence that only a solid day of drinking can provide, we waged our way through the crowds, hormones on high and eyes focused on the hunt. We wanted bad chicks, we wanted the sexy of the sexy and we would settle for nothing less. We were out for the ultimate of highs, a drug that you couldn't just take, but you had to go experience. The drug of the night, the lights flashing, the people chatting, the drinks flowing, the girl...

Who you with? Who you been given your precious love? I hope you not with him just to pass the time like just because... Because I miss you but you know that I can't say it right...? And you just as stubborn so I know you gonna put up a fight. But I'm on your page looking at your pictures liking every post, And I know you see me watching you but you already made yo choice.. So I had no choice, had to step away and try to respect your space, But don't think for a second that I've forgotten about the beauty of your face, Because I wish that I could see you, and I wish that I could call, But my pride won't let me do it, no I'll never take that fall. Either you gonna reach out to me, or we just never gonna speak at all. I know you'll be good through the summer, but like temperatures you bound to fall. So, who you with? Who been given your precious time? I know he loves your body, but does he even appreciate your mind? Or recognize your grind, doe...

Sitting in the hotel bar drinking Jameson, Wondering to myself, damn, what's her name again? Similar situation, the one that I am always in. And we talk about the separate worlds that we're both living in, She says "she's never gonna settle down, no not again, The situations changed these men are no longer gentlemen, They not opening doors, and no longer pull out your seat. They not taking care of the home, But yet they expect to eat". I say "your experiences seem to be so individual, You can't blame the world because of one individual". "But if that one person is your world and they blow it up, Everybody gets hit in the crossfires cause love is physical". That information she provided was truly pivotal, I understood her so much better those words were critical. I told her "I been hurt before, better yet I've been crushed, When love hits you that hard who do you fucking trust? Or do you shut down the emotion and...

He had entered into the rightful age of 31 with wide eyes and big hopes, the same as all the other years. Although, much like those years before, he was becoming more cynical about the possibilities of love. It wasn't just the fact that it had alluded him for some time now, but more so the fact that he had just the same alluded love.  As if they reached an agreement, each armed with their own top divorce lawyer of sorts. Love would leave and take all of its empty promises with it, and he would walk away and take everything that he brought with him. His new focus would be his career. Cliche to say the least as many 30 somethings clinged to the one thing that they felt they could control. "This is simply what life is for me", he convinced himself. Some find love, some walk alone. He reminded himself that some men are not meant to be happy, they are meant to be great. Something he heard on a television show that he tried to assimilate into his own life. So he dive...

It's too easy to fall in love, Love is just a click away. You in love with her for now, But tomorrow is a new day. I mean tomorrow is a new bae, Weren't you just with her last week? You referring to her as your girl, But which girl is it that you mean? It's too easy to fall in love, Or it's too easy to fall in like, Cause he in love with all your pictures, That's why every post he like. But she gotta man that's local, And she got one far away, She gotta' man in New York, And she keeps one in L.A. She's gotta man for sexing, Yeah he hits it how she likes, She gotta man for tricking, Yeah he spending every night. She gotta man who's perfect, But she don't even treat him right, She put him in the friend zone, Yeah that brother serving life. It's too easy to fall in love, It's too easy it's too easy, Just a couple of text messages, And you could lose your breezy, Like you should see the way he treats me, I...

Standing there, the most beautiful girl that I have ever seen, and She walks right in, looking like a beauty queen..and I Am wondering, what your name is and who you are? Before I could ask, I see him standing from afar… My friends they tell me that that guy is your boyfriend. And so my daydreams they come crashing to an end, We say hello, and I even shake your hand We talk casually, and we even share a dance, but Then he comes over and tells you it’s time to leave And I feel your pain as your arm he squeezed And I can feel my chest as it gets harder to breath, Trying to figure out, how quickly she became a part of me And now I’m left standing wondering why, What should I do, should I even try? Should I let the chance for romance pass me by? I wanna grab your hand and look you in eye but.... She’s someone else’s girl, so she can’t be with me, She’s someone else’s girl, so all I can do is dream, She’s someone else’s girl, so it’s not me...

Standing on the platform of the subway waiting for my train to come, Watching the crowd move around me, everyone is on the run. Shades over my eyes, to help cover the lies, We avoid contact, no need for interaction in our lives. Took a seat next to a young brother dressed as a male nurse, He said "People always look at me like I should holding a purse". As if the thought was on his mind for sometime which he rehearsed. I said "the people don't know much, ignorance is a curse. Like you gotta sell dope, to be considered to be dope. Media thrives off destruction, no money in selling hope". He nodded his head and said, "My brother you deep, What do you do for a living, I like the way that you speak"? "I'm an assassin with words, a murderer with verbs, A gangster with the nouns, a criminal with a curse. Writing weekly blogs that hopefully shatter the earth, Exposing all that's real until they see my worth". ...