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Showing posts from March, 2015

24 HOURS TO LIVE: PART 1

Innocent Thoughts of a Guilty Man Presents:  24 hours to live Pt. 1: The First Six Hours Death, is very much a part of life. For many, death hits without warning and or the ability to prepare for it.  Which begs the question, if you knew you were going to die, what would you do? 24 hours to live….. HOUR 1: In my first hour I would spend the time locating the people who talked the most sh*t via YouTube comments. Said the most hateful, racist, and disrespectful sh*t ever. Most importantly, all Kobe Bryant haters. Then I would record myself whipping their ass and make a YouTube video of that. Actually, this might take me two hours. HOUR 2: Still whipping ass, (refer to first hour) HOUR 3: Rob a bank. I know I know, not possible and I'll spend my last hours in jail. But screw you guys, I can do it. I have faith.  Besides, I need the money for the other hours to have any purpose. So for the sake of this blog, I successfully rob a bank. And seriously, how cool wo

LAX to JFK : LOVE TRAVELS

One of my new found loves' is being able to travel to places I've never been. The problem with that is that you fall in love with the places you go to, each in their own individual way. Beyond that, is the chance you fall for the people you meet as well. With the help of social media, it's far too easy to meet people all around the world, thus the dilemma. In this modern day and age, one can only observe life and come to a simple conclusion.......Love Travels. LAX: Hot summers, and cool winters The patio is fine with mine we out for dinner The city of angels, with all the sinners All the chicks is models they frames a little slimmer, Please bring your frames the sun is steady shining Please bring your gun my city forever grinding We riding, going to see my favorite girl Venice She's a little bit hipster, and a little bit of  a menace But I love her though, and you should see her smile when the sun sets She pass me a beer and say "are yo

SHOULD'VE COULD'VE WOULD'VE

I should’ve tried harder, I should’ve tried to make you a part of my world I should’ve made it clear, I should’ve made you my girl I should’ve of asked you to stay, I should’ve told you not to leave. I should’ve acted better, I should’ve been the man you needed me to be. I should’ve held you a little tighter, I should’ve kissed you a little more I should’ve been there when you needed me, I should’ve never let your feet hit the floor I should’ve said I love you, I should’ve told you the truth. I should’ve listened when you spoke , I should’ve talked to you. I should’ve looked you in the eyes, I should’ve kept you close. I should’ve kept it real, I should’ve loved you the most I could’ve of shown you the world, I could’ve made you smile. I could’ve been your world, I could’ve raised our child. I could’ve spoiled you with you love, I could’ve held your hand. I could’ve made you happy, I could’ve made things grand. I could’ve of stood by your side,

THESE CHECKS DON'T BALANCE

So I'm driving back from a site visit with my boss, and she's really into politics. So we're listening to some satellite talk show about whatever is most current and I hear a gentleman make a statement in reference to women in the workplace making less then men doing the same job and how that wasn't right. I remained quiet because my boss is a woman, and I don't want to get cornered into expressing my opinion, but I happen to believe that's the absolute fair thing to do. And ladies and gentlemen, are you ready to argue, cause here's why. Life is tough, it is, but life is not as tough for a woman as it is for a man. And before you get all pissed off about it, let me explain why. This goes back to early parenting. A little girl falls off her bike, here comes daddy to the rescue. Poor princess, did you fall down? Daddy's got you. Now, a little boy falls down off his bike. Aye, stop crying boy, be a man, men don't cry. Suck that up. Be a man. Ah

DREAMS VS REALITY

My dreams are often rejected by my reality. Reality is the acceptance of the state you are in, but dreams are the possibility of what you can become. Life therefore, is and should be the pursuit of a dream. Reality is the cause and effect of a dream deferred. The reality of a situation is only the mind accepting the failure of a dream. When one is told to face reality, in essence, he is told to abandon his dreams. We live in a world of reality. Only the brave dare to dream. Too many of us are stuck in the hell of life. Trapped by our realities and prohibited from our dreams. Fear binds us to our reality. When fear tells us we need to pay our bills, reality is to get a job that pays, even if you have to abandon a dream. However, faith is the energy of dreams. Whether it be faith in ourselves, in God, or in others, faith inspires us to dream. Dreams are the thoughts of our subconscious, the mind that is trapped by our reality. You dream of the stars, but your reality

BREAKING UP: WHEN ONLY THE MUSIC CAN CONSOLE YOU

Spring is upon us and it seems that most of the public refers to this being the time that love is in the air. Well, that's a positive spin on the fact that a lot of people just got through the holidays and you are now getting dumped. "Cuffing Season" is over is the more accurate theme. They say love is in the air, but it smells a bit like lust, and sundresses, and crop tops, and bikini's. Last year I did a blog about the "Top 5 Songs to Stunt on Your Ex". Well, before you can get to a point where you are ready to stunt on your ex, there is a grieving period we all have to go through. And per usual, I'm here to provide support. So here's my list of my top break up songs to help you get through. This list will obviously be debatable as I wish I could do 20 songs, but who has the time? But for certain, Chris Brown's "These Hoes Ain't Loyal", will not be on my list. How the hell do you have a song called these hoes ain't loyal but y

WHO COOKING THOUGH?

Guys this may shock you, but it's 2015, and in this great time and age, you need to know to how to cook. Women have jobs now and their own lives, and I'm pretty sure they even get to vote now. So it's for us to step up our responsibilities as well. If living the single life has taught me anything over the years it's that women love a man that can cook, and so I've composed a list of five meals that every man needs to know how to prepare to keep his woman happy and or land a nice lady. #1: BREAKFAST One of the first things I ever learned to make was breakfast. Mainly because once I was old enough, my mom didn't want to get up for me anymore. Thanks mom. Multiple reasons for having this skill, but the most obvious would be if you actually get a girl to sleep over, nothing says thank you for the sex better than a well cooked breakfast. #2: PASTA Now pasta is one of the easier things to make and it's the perfect thing to do when you have a

DAVID VS. THE COCKROACH

Just a quick video so that you understand how completely retarded I am....lol enjoy. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Asm0IMKQK9M&feature=youtu.be

GRINDS MY GEARS: THE FASHION EDITION

I won't pretend to be the most fashionable person on the planet....but I know damn well I can dress. But living in Los Angeles you see some of the most diverse people in the world, which is great, but that doesn't mean I have to like what you wear. So, in that respect, here are some of the most frustrating fashions I see out there. Excuse me as I roast your a$$. SKINNY JEANS YOU SAG: Skinny jeans themselves are usually ridiculous however I can tolerate some of the looks. But why in the world are you going to buy skinny jeans just to sag them. The point of the jean is for them to fit you perfectly, but no that's not cool enough, you need to sag them. Let everybody see my ass, that's the cool thing to do, now we gangster, aye, see how gangster I am? You see my ass right, G Unit!! And to piss me off further, you wear a belt. What the ^&*% is the belt for? It's designed to hold up your pants, but look at you, you rebel, you made it do the opposite. Go jump of

ODE TO THE WING-MAN 2: STILL WINGING

Wing-man oh Wing-man Remember that time on Halloween, When you wanted to talk to the slutty cat And I calmly lets do that bruh Even though her home girl was fat Wing-man oh Wing-man Remember that time in Venice beach And our waitress was super hot And you thought you could impress the chick By chugging down a lot And 30 minutes later When you were no where to be found And security came to get me And said, "Your boy is on the ground" You passed out in the bathroom And I came picked you up And you said I know she likes me, And I said yeah bruh, that's good stuff. Wing-Man oh Wing-man It was a lovely Saturday afternoon And we were chilling on the couch Waiting with anticipation For these chicks to reach the house And we fed em shots of Jose And got em good and hype And I jumped the fence to the hot tub Cause ya boy got major flight And things got good and steamy As I played a game at three's You didn't even block it You simpl

"YOU SAY HE'S JUST A FRIEND" PART 2

Almost three years ago exactly I wrote an article titled, "You Say He's Just a Friend", in which I highlighted the 3 reasons why a guy would be a women's friend. (see link below). Those three reasons were; He wants to hit it He's Gay The Homie Clause Revolutionary stuff I know...but a recent internet discussion has thrusted the topic back into my life and I feel the need to present new information. First I told you why a guy wants to be your friend, but it now seems important for me to explain to the ladies why we don't our woman to have guy friends. So from the mind of a man, here are the top three reasons why we don't care for chicks with male friends. THE BACK UP HITTER: When it comes men and male egos, nothing sets us off more than the thought of our girl having sex with someone else. And our first duty is to remove all possible threats to the poo-tang. Now you meet a beautiful chick and you've started dating and you fi

NO WORDS

I am so in love with this moment, That I don't even have to speak She laying right here on the sofa, And I just sit here and watch her sleep. Cause we ain't been together in a moment No we haven't seen each other in some time... But soon as she walk back into my arms... I swear that everything is just fine.... I just let her sleep, here baby you can rest I know the world is crazy, lay here on my chest I know we not together, but together we the best. I can give you nothing more, but I'll give you nothing less I confess, the single life, can leave you lonely. One night stands are fun but they also phony. So hold me, hold me close, until you leave, Off to another country, we loving over seas. Or so it seems, but distance is still distance, Can't live for tomorrow, capturing this instance The thickness of her thighs, the curves of her waist, The curls in her hair, the smile on her face. What you dreaming of, is it me and you? Somew

WHO FARTED???

You're on a date with a beautiful girl. You picked a great restaurant, you ordered the right wine, they seated you at a fantastic table, and the meal was wonderful.....wonderful and greasy. And now...now you have a problem. That bubbly feeling in your stomach is creeping up and you know what's about to happen....you're about to play a mean orchestra of butt trumpet. This is not a good situation to be in...but as always, I am here to help you out and give guidance to issues no other would discuss. Farting is a natural occurrence...but not on a date guys. So here are a few tips on how to handle this situation.  PREVENTATIVE MAINTENANCE: The best way to handle having to fart on a date....IS NOT HAVING TO FART ON A DATE! PRE-SHIT:  If you know you have a big date that night try to have a heavy fiber rich lunch. This way around 3 or 4pm you are on the toilet dropping devil bombs and cleaning out your system. In other words, go to McDonalds and get a couple McDouble&

When You Can't Get Up

You got the candles lit, the mood music is playing softly, and you and your lady friend are going at it in the bedroom. "This is it", you tell yourself. The moment you been waiting for is here..it's about to go down and you about----wait...wait a minute...what the....ahhhhh nooooooo. It's not something a man will willingly admit, but it's happened to us all. Your little head is not on page with your big head. Whether you been there or you haven't been there yet, (and you will) knowing how to handle that moment is important to maintaining your dignity. So here I am, bravely stepping up to give the fellas some advice. DELAY TACTICS: If this is a girl you really like and your performance is important, here are a few tips (giggity) Cough: Just start coughing, I mean cough good. Good enough that you can excuse yourself and get some water. While you are in the kitchen...get your mind right! Get back in there...and handle business. Fake a cramp: Tell h