THE MONSTER...

Dear Friend,

I was so tired by the end of our trip I feel I fell short in giving you my thoughts on the things you said. Life, is this troubling thing...it's this broken dream from our childhood...and being an adult...is all about rebuilding that dream with the pieces that are left. I wasn't shocked to hear about your struggles, after all, I know you better than most. The city is a magical place, but when you are surrounded by buildings that reach the sky, one can feel infinitely small and alone. It's only natural that depression can take hold of you. We both live in one of the largest cities in America and yet day after day we walk these streets alone, we pass by thousands of people each day, who we don't know, we don't speak... Both just out there chasing a dream, in love with an idea of who we want to be, and trying to become that. I know how much your Mom passing has changed you; no way such a loss could not. But I wanted to share my favorite memory of her, as I'm not sure you are aware. But when my family was struggling and I came to live with you, I had just gotten my braces tightened, and that night asleep in the guest room they began to hurt like hell. I had forgotten where I was because I woke up yelling "Moooooooom...... Mooooooommmm"... and your Mom came running into the room. She didn't hesitate for a moment... "What's wrong son"...and neither did I. She found my pills and stayed with me a while until the pain started to go away and then told me I'd be okay "them teeth hurt when they move", she told me. And cut off the lights. I don't think I ever called her Mrs. Glenda ever again after that night. I called her Mom. The last time I saw her she gave me twenty dollars, hugged me, and said "you keep chasing your dreams". And I will never stop, for her, for me, and all those who I made promises to, including you. I'm always pushing you to go out, get out of your hermit hole and go on a date. You may think it's because I want you to be a monster like me, but it's just the opposite. I know you, and I know your heart, and it deserves love, and it wants to give love, and you deserve to be loved, because you are one of the most amazing persons I know. We talked about being a monster, and I believe we all have our phase, I actually wrote an article about it called "The Ho Phase" lol. Just a period of time of recklessness and debauchery a young person will go through. But most grow out of it, except the few, the monsters. You, my friend, are not a monster. And I can't wait until the day you call me to let me know you have found her, the one you can't live without, the one you know your Mom would have and will love. I imagine it sometimes, coming to New York and meeting her, and you introduce me as your best friend, it's a proud moment for me, to be your best friend. I had someone important to me like that once, someone special. She was a good girl, too good. The type of woman that would make me a better man....the only problem was I know what I am, and as much as she would make me a better man, in the end, the monster would win, and I would make her a bitter and worse woman. And I couldn't do that, I couldn't ruin someone I cared so much about. I guess that's why I won't let any woman get too close...not while I'm still a monster. Still fighting to tame it and control it and eventually kill it. But you stick by me, friend to the monster, confidant, role model, brother...and it always means the world to me when we get together...for one more adventure...because I know each time could be our last great one...and because I know when you leave, we will both go back to those big cities, walk under those giant buildings, and fight the good fight again, reaching towards the stars. Never let the darkness loom too long over you, and if you find it has, worry not, because I will always be there, ready to pull you back up into the light. I'll love you forever my friend. 

Yours Truly,

The Monster