Grinds My Gears: The Office Edition
THE COUGHER:
You're sitting at your desk...and it starts. Cough. Cough cough.....cough cough cough....ughhh get up and leave the area sir. But no. They sit there spreading their germs. Then they start hocking up loogies and flem. Why are you at work? I can't hear myself think. This is the same person who will always deny that they are sick.
THE TOILET TALKER:
I don't have conversations with other men while my dick is out sir. Stop asking me how my day is while we are peeing. Ya weirdo. And if there are three stalls in the bathroom and I am occupying the far left stall, you do not go middle, you go far right.....YOU GO FAR RIGHT. There must be a buffer!
THE BREAK ROOM HOG:
Every time I come in the kitchen...you in the kitchen....doing a bunch of nothing. Take your ass back to work! It's a break room, not a live in room. Why do you have five things of tupperware you need to heat up and they each take 5 minutes? There's only two microwaves and you have both of them on lock for half an hour! Why are you cutting up vegetables in the break room. Ain't no cooking in here? What the hell are you making? GET OUT!
INAPPROPRIATELY DRESSED GIRL:
Where in the fuck are you going in that? Why are tights now acceptable office wear? There's ass walking all around the office just begging you to look and yet I must remain professional? Worse than that is the exact opposite, the chick who doesn't get dressed up at all. How the hell are you at work in capri pants and flip flops yet I had to spend an extra ten minutes ironing my slacks. This is bull crap. I could have worn my sweats. Girls suck.
ELEVATOR GUY:
It's the end of the day, and you are rushing to get out the office...and another co worker is already on the elevator and they let the door close. I know you saw me trying to get on that f@cking elevator. You rotten evil bastard. And if you are like me, then you hate mornings and all morning people. I like to be left alone a full hour from when I arrive at work. It's why I bought the largest headphones possible to wear at my desk. Because I don't want to talk to you. So when I get in the elevator understand that "Good Morning" is not an invitation to more conversation; It is the conversation. As in that is all I wish to say at this time "Good Morning". The only thing more annoying than elevator conversationalist are people who hold the door for all of their buddies. There's six more elevators on the floor and she's checking her facebook and moving slow, let her get the next one lady damn.
You're sitting at your desk...and it starts. Cough. Cough cough.....cough cough cough....ughhh get up and leave the area sir. But no. They sit there spreading their germs. Then they start hocking up loogies and flem. Why are you at work? I can't hear myself think. This is the same person who will always deny that they are sick.
THE TOILET TALKER:
I don't have conversations with other men while my dick is out sir. Stop asking me how my day is while we are peeing. Ya weirdo. And if there are three stalls in the bathroom and I am occupying the far left stall, you do not go middle, you go far right.....YOU GO FAR RIGHT. There must be a buffer!
THE BREAK ROOM HOG:
Every time I come in the kitchen...you in the kitchen....doing a bunch of nothing. Take your ass back to work! It's a break room, not a live in room. Why do you have five things of tupperware you need to heat up and they each take 5 minutes? There's only two microwaves and you have both of them on lock for half an hour! Why are you cutting up vegetables in the break room. Ain't no cooking in here? What the hell are you making? GET OUT!
INAPPROPRIATELY DRESSED GIRL:
Where in the fuck are you going in that? Why are tights now acceptable office wear? There's ass walking all around the office just begging you to look and yet I must remain professional? Worse than that is the exact opposite, the chick who doesn't get dressed up at all. How the hell are you at work in capri pants and flip flops yet I had to spend an extra ten minutes ironing my slacks. This is bull crap. I could have worn my sweats. Girls suck.
ELEVATOR GUY:
It's the end of the day, and you are rushing to get out the office...and another co worker is already on the elevator and they let the door close. I know you saw me trying to get on that f@cking elevator. You rotten evil bastard. And if you are like me, then you hate mornings and all morning people. I like to be left alone a full hour from when I arrive at work. It's why I bought the largest headphones possible to wear at my desk. Because I don't want to talk to you. So when I get in the elevator understand that "Good Morning" is not an invitation to more conversation; It is the conversation. As in that is all I wish to say at this time "Good Morning". The only thing more annoying than elevator conversationalist are people who hold the door for all of their buddies. There's six more elevators on the floor and she's checking her facebook and moving slow, let her get the next one lady damn.
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