INNOCENT THOUGHTS OF A GUILTY MAN

Late nights sending smoke signals through my instagram, To let her know I'm back in town just to see the fam,  She see em' and... think about dipping out just to breathe again... Slip away from him to be alone, just so that she can respond,  And I just wanna put a smile on her face but I don't have the time... Crazy to think that the only thing keeping yo wife from becoming just your BM Is me having an ounce of integrity and a desire to a better man... Even though I had her heart when I was rocking Letterman's That young sweet boy who would even write her letter's and.... Skate to slow songs where I would hold her hand.  Normally I seek trouble on the double so I can jot it down, Making scripts out of real things that I live around... But this is one story that I can't indulge for the sake of it,  Can't go around breaking hearts just to make a flick.. But what a story it would be if I came in to the picture, like what a plot twist,  Like who is this? Audienc...

I've been 30 seconds from homeless and 60 seconds from famous, That's how wicked this Hollywood game is, what yo name is? Who you came with? You got a link? Well let me see ya work. You gotta deal yet? Aight bet, let me see your worth. Even the homie told me it's about time you get your blessing, I wonder if he can see it in my eyes the way I'm stressing? Cause it seems like I been down forever... Walking around town with my head down like I've been down forever, Took the leap anyway and told myself it's either now or never... Standing on the edge wasn't getting it so I took to the clouds to see it better And I'm not sure if things wings work but I ain't hit the ground yet, My Auntie threw me in the water and I ain't drown yet. I'll write it, direct it, edit it, perfect it,  Re-shoot it, new music, re-boot it until it's selected. And I don't really care if you don't re-share it or act like you ain't hear it Or pretend that I...

  It's like we're trying to out run responsibility, Stay a step ahead of old age.. Not quite ready to leave the party... Not quite ready to turn the page... So we hide under the disguise of vacation, We wrap ourselves in the cloak of a trip. So that we can get high off of the sensation, Of the adventures that await on the strip. Stability is our only enemy... Chaos we court as a friend... To know exactly where it is we are going... Feels like what it's like to already be at the end. We're quite happy to be here in the middle, Not the beginning but still plenty to go... We don't know it all, but yet, more than a little.. We've left plenty to remain unknown. What's so good about moving forward? So grand about moving on? Being grown up is where death marches toward, In the middle is where I belong.

  Starting to realize now nobody gonna love me like my first girl, What a tragedy that I did you the worst girl. If I knew then what I know now, Then I would know better than to go out and wild out. Love seems to be better in hindsight... All the right answers seem to appear after we're done, right? Or better said done wrong, look what I’ve done wrong... Looking at old pictures is like listening to love songs. Way after the love’s gone, it turns out the crew was wrong, Knucklehead niggas telling you you gotta get out more, There’s plenty pussy in this world you just gotta get out more, Had me thinking I was missing something, Like I was doing it wrong by not getting nothing But most of pussy I went out there to get, Be the same pussy I came to regret. But old fools were once young fools, And I got fooled good trying to do what the young do. It seems that time teaches heavy lessons, The weight of past decisions have a brother stressing Yeah I was the man on campus, Used the art buil...

  Still, still attracted by the bright lights, City life seems to be my one and only steady wife. Committed love crimes and I've been sentenced to the single life. Rather that then to be one of these masked up brothers living double lives. Nah not for me that seems a troubled life. Rather tell you the truth and hurt you than to live a happy lie. Still, still that love look good when you see it. Baecation photos for the gram so the whole world can see it. You the last man standing everybody else done got on bended knees, Last one in the city and they ain't got time to come and see. Too busy planning new homes in new neighborhoods, That kind of cul-de-sac love where you know your neighbors good. Still, still dream chasing yeah I've been running and running, They ask sarcastically how it's coming, it's coming. And when I hit I won't forget who was in the cheer section. Late night messages of encouragement and affection. How you still down for me even after the way ...

  It's crazy to watch, to see it all happening right before your eyes... I've managed to watch young boys become men... players become fathers... party goers and bar hoppers become home depot shoppers and PTA participants. I've witnessed the strongest of men become fragile, and weak. The most independent of women become dependent and sedentary. What is the point of this circle of life we all seem to be engaged in... the experience of our very own existence within the circumference of birth and death... what is there to be learned? What is there to understand within it all... I stare up into the cosmos of all that is and will be... all that lives underneath the sun and moon and question the why of it.. the how of it... we live forever and yet we live for a moment... moment to moment... collecting each like lightning bugs in the summers of our youth... These moments that build us and define us... whether it's the young black English teacher that hands you a book that wil...

  Cutting people off like the sleeves on my old shirts, Begging for your approval took away from my self worth But I put in the self work and dug deep to hit newer depths Long time friendships can proceed to increase unwanted debts. If I was doing this for y'all I would've already quit Good thing is I did it for myself and kept on doing it... Putting too much energy into trying to seek the praises Of those who wouldn't lift me up when my spirits fade it's, Not a sad thing no I feel elated, slightly jubilated. This should be celebrated, look how far we made it. Fork in the road and you gotta decide who you gonna eat with, Life is a journey and you gotta be careful who you move your feet with. I neglected good people who only wanted to adore me, To chase the love of those who would rather ignore me, Do nothing for me, look upon me poorly But this is not a sore me, no this is me soaring. Like a child shouting "Mommy look what I can do"! That's how I been cons...