Innocent Thoughts of a Guilty Man: Grinds My Gears....The Wal-Mart Edition

                There are few places that I can really say that I hate going to; The dentist, a nursing home, Alabama…but there is no place I loathe more than Wal-Mart. But sadly, Wal-Mart is the best representation of America I can think of…it’s filled with all different shapes, sizes, colors, and walks of life. All mixed in there looking for the most random of items possible that you forgot to get at a different store. I’m sure I wouldn’t need to explain why I hate this store, but I’m gonna do it anyway.

DO YOU WORK HERE?:

                Who in the bloody hell decided that khaki pants and a blue shirt would be the best idea for a work uniform. That is like the most common shit a person wears to any office . There are 200 people in the store right now in khaki’s and a blue shirt, and only five of them are at work. But you wouldn’t be able to tell who these people were, because they are wearing their name tag in some obscure corner of their oversized blue shirt. And it’s not even a polo shirt any more. Half of the ninjas working there are walking around looking like Smokey from the movie Friday. Then if you find somebody who works there, guess what “That’s not my department, let me get somebody over there”. What they are really saying is hey, “F*CK YOU”. They not calling nobody on that walkie talkie either, don’t get excited. Nobody is coming to help you.

OUT OF STOCK:

Wal-mart is the largest retail super store on earth, why the hell are you out of navy blue bath towels? Are the employees making shirts out of them for work? Then they hit you with that, “Let me go check the back”, line. Ladies and gentleman, that is the biggest bunch of bullsh*t ever. There is never any more in the back. I use to work retail, trust me, there is nothing back there. Let me tell you what they do once they pass those swinging doors. They check their cell phone, flirt with the stock girl, plan on what they wanna steal, go to the bathroom, kick it with they homies, whatever the hell they need to do so that the appropriate amount of time passes to make it look like they actually looked for something. Then they come back out, say that they don’t have it, just so they can send you to another store, so that you can’t find help there too.

YO BAD ASS KIDS:

                Hell yeah I’m talking about you Shenenequanetta. You know your kids are bad as sh*t . Stop bringing them little hoodlums into the store during peak hours. Running all over the place tearing up sh*t while you walk casually through the ladies section looking for an outfit for the club. Put them damn tights down, stay out the club. That’s probably how you got all them damn kids to begin with ya club hopping ratchet ass baby making tramp. Mexican people that goes for you too. Stop bringing your child into the store with just a diaper on. I don’t care how damn hot it is outside. Put some clothes on that little motha f*cker.

“IS THIS LINE OPEN”:

                Why in the world did you build out 42 check out lanes if you only plan on keeping open 6?  Where the hell are the other employees at? Don’t you tell me they are out on the floor helping people you lying sack of sh*t  because I was just there and I didn’t see any employees. Just some dude who looked like smokey. My girl had to stand on my back to reach the top shelf because nobody was around. It’s 11 am on a Saturday. Hire some more people, and get these lanes right bruh.

Sigh. There are a 100 more reasons that I could list, but I’m already getting too upset. Let me take a break, I think I need to get something from Target anyway.

David Anthony