TOP FIVE RULES FOR BEING A PROFESSIONAL ATHLETE

#5: LEAVE HOOD NI@@AS IN THE HOOD:

·         Now I know most professional athletes are African American. And a large percentage of them come from broken homes and bad neighborhoods. And you probably have some friends who grew up to be criminals, gangsters, and or overall bad people. And you may be thinking to yourself, “they are my friends, am I supposed to turn my back on my friends just because I have money”? YES. That is exactly what you should do. Family members too! Get some new friends with legit jobs you moron.

#4: SNIP IT:

·         This might seem a bit extreme, but so is having to give 30k a month to some stripper in Atlanta you banged during a road game. Freeze some sperm for when you meet the woman you marry and avoid ending up paying more child support than lil’ wayne and flava flav combined.

#3:  HIRE A DRIVER:

·         It amazes me how many athletes get DUI’s. You make millions of dollars. The cab ride cannot be hurting your pockets that badly. Players have to understand they are targeted and need to be extra carefully. There’s Uber, Lyft, cabs, far too many routes to go where you should not be getting a DUI. Leave that to us poorer folk.

#2: SIGN ON THE DOTTED LINE:

·         Whether it’s a prenuptial agreement or a consentual agreement, get her to sign it. That good old fashioned love contract. No rape cases for you sir, I have this document here that says she wanted the D.

#1: DON’T HIT HER:

·         STOP HITTING WOMEN!

Innocent Thoughts of a Guilty Man:

By: David Anthony