INNOCENT THOUGHTS OF A GUILTY MAN

Who you with? Who you been given your precious love? I hope you not with him just to pass the time like just because... Because I miss you but you know that I can't say it right...? And you just as stubborn so I know you gonna put up a fight. But I'm on your page looking at your pictures liking every post, And I know you see me watching you but you already made yo choice.. So I had no choice, had to step away and try to respect your space, But don't think for a second that I've forgotten about the beauty of your face, Because I wish that I could see you, and I wish that I could call, But my pride won't let me do it, no I'll never take that fall. Either you gonna reach out to me, or we just never gonna speak at all. I know you'll be good through the summer, but like temperatures you bound to fall. So, who you with? Who been given your precious time? I know he loves your body, but does he even appreciate your mind? Or recognize your grind, doe...

He wanted to fall in love so damn fast, He was willing to make the wrong choices. He wanted to fall in love so damn bad, He was ignoring all of the voices. All of the voices in his head, Telling him that he should slow down, But everybody else so far ahead, He didn't wanna be the one left out. See he had a plan for his life, Yeah he had everything worked out. But life don't really care about plans, So naturally things ain't work out. Now he's on the edge of Thirty, Every girl he meets could be the one. So he rushes to fall in love early, Dating is painful it's no longer fun. Cause he was supposed to get married by thirty, First child by the age of thirty - two, A house with a sensible mortgage they could carry, Now she pregnant with child number two. Two car garage and his and her sinks, House in the suburbs where everybody speaks. Family vacations and trips to beach, Hanging Christmas lights on the family tree. He wrote down everything ...

I got this girl pregnant once...yeah hell of a way to start a blog I know, but sh*t I'm just thinking out loud here. I was young, like a sophomore in college at home for spring break. The fact that I got a girl pregnant isn't what's important and or spectacular about this story. What is, is that she never told me. Not until about five years later when we happened to get together and hang out. No she didn't take me on Maury or anything, she didn't pop up at my door step with some child I had never seen before and tell me I was a father. Instead she told me that she didn't keep it. First reaction was how do I know if she's lying?...but I thought about that night....she wasn't. Besides, who makes up that kind of lie? Second reaction was why? She stated how I was in college and she didn't want to ruin my life. How she knew it was just a fling and even though we were serious in high school, she knew we had a lot of life to live and growing up to do. ...

It's been five years since I have been in a relationship. Five years since I could even relate to sh*t. Five years since I heard I love you,  Or baby you the best, or there's nobody but you.  It's been five years since that break up, Five long years since we walked away, And I aint mean to take this long to love, But life just always gets in the way.  Year one, I only wanted fun, You know hit and run, get it in and I'm done. Then I'm back in the clubs looking for another one, When she asks my name, I just say I'm the one. Phone full of numbers, pocket full of rubbers, I guess you could say I didn't really care, I just knew I was hurt, so I would go out and flirt, To replace the thought of her not being here. Then year two came and not much changed, I was still living fast in these streets, Thinking time would change her mind, And we'd fall back in love when we meet. But that meeting never happened, Cause baby ...

Sitting in the hotel bar drinking Jameson, Wondering to myself, damn, what's her name again? Similar situation, the one that I am always in. And we talk about the separate worlds that we're both living in, She says "she's never gonna settle down, no not again, The situations changed these men are no longer gentlemen, They not opening doors, and no longer pull out your seat. They not taking care of the home, But yet they expect to eat". I say "your experiences seem to be so individual, You can't blame the world because of one individual". "But if that one person is your world and they blow it up, Everybody gets hit in the crossfires cause love is physical". That information she provided was truly pivotal, I understood her so much better those words were critical. I told her "I been hurt before, better yet I've been crushed, When love hits you that hard who do you fucking trust? Or do you shut down the emotion and...

He had entered into the rightful age of 31 with wide eyes and big hopes, the same as all the other years. Although, much like those years before, he was becoming more cynical about the possibilities of love. It wasn't just the fact that it had alluded him for some time now, but more so the fact that he had just the same alluded love.  As if they reached an agreement, each armed with their own top divorce lawyer of sorts. Love would leave and take all of its empty promises with it, and he would walk away and take everything that he brought with him. His new focus would be his career. Cliche to say the least as many 30 somethings clinged to the one thing that they felt they could control. "This is simply what life is for me", he convinced himself. Some find love, some walk alone. He reminded himself that some men are not meant to be happy, they are meant to be great. Something he heard on a television show that he tried to assimilate into his own life. So he dive...

She was afraid that type of love would never find her, And her ex loves all served as a bad reminder. Of how she wished she had been just a little kinder, So she entered her next relationship with blinders, Fell in love with a stranger that she thought she knew. Took a walk down let's get married avenue. The fear of never finding love again can scare us, To the point where it gets hard to look in mirrors. Staring at the lonliness you see in your reflection, Wishing you could go back in time and change direction. If not him then who else gonna up and love me? She running out of options at least this is something, And we all know something is better than nothing. Except she never got to read From Something to Nothing, So she ignores all the signs and his many flaws, And she says I do even though when asked she paused. Walking down the aisle to the sound of the crowds applause, But they don't know she walking off to a hopeless cause, Cause now she carrying his...