HAPPY FREAKING VALENTINES DAY!!

Happy Freaking Valentine’s Day

Red roses, heart-shaped chocolate, loving cards, diamonds, and the list goes on forever. What is with Valentine’s Day? Seriously. I for one believe it is one of the most commercialized holidays created by a conglomerate of several massive corporations. Hallmark, Hershey, and diamond importers are a few of the suspects. That’s right; I’m on to your scam ladies. Unfortunately I have not found a successful way to avoid this dreaded love day.

I have attempted many excuses, as I am sure my fellow colleagues have as well. “I don’t need a holiday to show you how much I love you baby”. “I show you how much I love you 365 days out the year dear”. Valentine’s is a commercial holiday and the media has brainwashed you into thinking that we should spend money on meaningless material goods to prove our love”. That last one didn’t go over so well.

The most disgusting part of Valentine’s Day is the denial by women that it’s not about the money. You know, the whole, “it’s the thought that counts”. HA! It’s the thought that counts all right, and that thought better be expensive or your ass was thinking wrong!

I waited an hour and fifteen minutes to get seated at red lobster and every guy I looked at had the same expression on his face, a look that clearly said, “This sucks”. I could have easily prepared shrimp linguini at the house, but unless I buy the food in front of her, it doesn’t really count. I’m going to start saving the receipts of the money I spend on my girl, and the next time she asks me how much I love her I’m going to pull them out and say, “that much”.

However, I did notice one thing, and even though I hate admitting it, there is a positive about being out and about on Valentine’s Day. In a world of crooked politicians, corrupt police, economic recession, racism, religious warfare, crime and hatred, it is a relieving and encouraging reminder that there are still people in the world in love. There’s still men out there opening doors for their ladies, and there are still women standing faithfully by their man.

Even though I don’t agree with buying a gift for my girlfriend because it’s a holiday, I still buy something every year. Because I love her….. and there’s nothing worse than coming home to an angry woman without a gift. So to all you manipulative companies prospering off the materialized perception of love, I hope you make no profits at all! And to all you women out there waiting for your gifts and preparing to order the most expensive items on the menu, I hope your diamond is fake and you choke on your chocolate candy. Happy Valentine’s day, I love you all.