MANHOOD 101: RULES AND REGULATIONS FOR MEN TAKING SELFIES
"A selfie is a self portrait photograph, typically taken with a digital camera or camera phone held in the hand or supported by a selfie stick. Selfies are often shared on social networking services such as Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter. They are usual flattering and made to appear casual. Most selfies are taken with a camera held at arms length or pointed at a mirror, rather than by using a self timer." -Wikipedia
You do it, I do it, we all do it. We take selfies. But for men, there need to be some manly restrictions to such vain activity, and I am here to lay some ground rules, a few man laws in which my brothers should govern themselves. There are really only 3 good reasons to take a selfie...and all of them whether directly and or indirectly should be for the benefit of bagging a lady.
REASON #1: TO GAIN ACCESS TO VAGINAL EXTREMITIES: AKA GETTING SOME ASS.
All dudes have a bathroom mirror post with their shirt off and if they say they don't then they are a damn liar. Let me be clear. Posting this as your facebook profile picture is a COMPLETE manlaw violation and any real man would unfriend you. The only time the sexy flexy selfie should be used is as follows:
- A girl specifically asks you for one.
- You just had a hot girl follow you on IG and she asks for a pic
- You are in vegas in a swimsuit with hot chicks around you and you need to stunt on your ex.
- Or you just got some ass and she sleep in your bed and you taking the "proof" photo cause your friends never believe you get any.
Even these scenarios must be individually judged and in some cases a pre-apology/warning must be sent to male friends.
REASON #2:YOU ARE DOING SOME EXOTIC BALLER ASS SH*T
This dude is doing a handstand butt ass naked on the Great Wall of China. That is some baller ass sh*t, giggity. If you trying to stunt on the world, this is one crazy way to do it. I'm trying to do a butt naked flying krane kick on mount everest one day.
REASON# 3 : YOU'RE DRUNK
Hey, when you are wasted sh*t happens. No literally, sh*t happens. I was so drunk once I couldn't find the keys to my house so I took a sh*t on my neighbors porch, but to be fair I didn't know it was my neighbors porch, because I was so drunk I thought I was on my porch. But I digress, it's natural to get into your feelings under the influence of booze, and you do stuff...like take selfies. Hopefully you don't embarrass yourself too bad or tell on yourself some how. Like if you told your bae you were staying home for the night, but you posted a selfie drunk as all hell outside of Applebee's.
Now then, I have laid down the law quite plainly, govern yourselves accordingly. I shall leave you with some of my top NO NO'S as a man. These are major selfie manlaw violations. Be good.
- You're sitting in your bed half naked with a small toy dog that you own. #checkyournuts
- You're at brunch alone......better yet even if you are at brunch on a date...keep that sh*t to yourself. #checkyournuts
- You're at a beyonce concert #checkyournuts
- If you're wearing capri's and open toe sandals. #checkyournuts
- If you're in the park on a nice sunday reading a book and eating a sandwich. #checkyournuts
- If you are in the gym surrounded by people and flex into the mirror. #checkyournuts