BEHIND THE MASK...


He stared at his computer wondering where he wanted to go next, as if he really didn't already know. Perhaps he would just peep at her page and check in on her. After all, she was definitely checking in on him. "Maybe I should do something wild", he thought. Post a racy picture or make an ambiguous statement that might draw her out of her cave and back into his life. It's ironic how sometimes the one person you want to speak to the most, is the one person you promised yourself you were not going to speak to at all. Like an epic stand off in the old western days, both of you hands on your gun, waiting for the other to move. It's petty for sure that two people who have feelings for each other result to these kinds of games. But this was life in the now. Sneak dissing and sub-tweeting, being seen just by all in hopes that you are seen by the one. He types the first few letters of her name into the search box and sure enough she pops up in the screen. Her picture, the same as always, still hits his heart like a ton of bricks. What happens next is even more bizarre as he scrolls the page, because he's half-heartedly hoping that there is some sign of a new relationship, some photo suggesting a new man is in her life. Any excuse to move on and stop the self torture. But there was none, there was nothing. Just her, smiling, looking wonderfully alone. What should be good thing elicits only disappointment because if she's not with someone else, then why isn't she with him? He walks away from the computer more frustrated than when he sat down. He stares at his phone, and debates deleting her number, as if he doesn't have it memorized anyway. No it would not be that easy and he already knew he was not that strong. No, he would remain haunted by this person, this ghost, this screen. He would put on a good show, and carry on a strong front. The illusion of the page would hide how he really felt inside, what he was really going through. For the internet is nothing more than a mask, hiding who we really are, and he would stay hidden until he could be real again, until he could be with her again. Both of them, hiding beneath the mask, hiding from the truth, hiding from their past, their present, their future.....their forever.


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