Grinds My Gears: The Gym Edition

                I love the gym. Besides the bonus of being healthy and taking care of my body, it’s a great place to let off some steam and think and be left to your-self. But sometimes it’s not that easy, due to the other people who are working out in the gym also. Here are a few examples of sh*t that just pisses me off.

                Super Loud Guy:

                                You know who you are. You loud and obnoxious bastard. Why does bench pressing have to sound like a blue whale giving birth to a sea lion? Shut the hell up and lift your weights.  And can’t you read? The sign says “Please do not drop weights”, but every time you finish a set of curls, you drop the weights as if you just shocked the world. Get a damn life.

                Naked Girl:

                                You came to the gym and spandex shorts with your ass out, and sports bra that couldn’t hold Kanye West from a rant and you have the nerve to look at me like, “what the f*ck are you looking at”? I’m looking at them titties! I mean damn, you have them on display. That’s like going to the museum and not looking at the art on the wall. Cover up or shut up.

                Gay Guy:

                                Look, gay people have the same rights to the gym as anybody. But do you have to be so damn gay about everything! I mean first off, why are you in the gym in women’s running shorts and a deep v-neck? Or spandex pants and a loose ass tank top? Who does that? Then you go dancing and pop locking from one machine to the next like you’re f*cking Omarion shooting a music video. I mean come on. Do your workout and get out my face.

                Stupid Girl:

                                If you don’t know how to use the machine….ask somebody or get the f*ck off. I gotta wait 15 minutes to use a machine because you can’t figure out how to move the damn seat up so you can reach the leg part. I mean seriously. Just go take a spin class or get on the treadmill. This is the man side of the gym.

                Fat Guy who thinks he’s big:

                                Stop walking around the gym like you are swoll'. You’re fat. And wearing the weightlifting belt as tight as you possibly can to cover your fat gut is not fooling anybody fatty. Yeah, you benched 350lbs. but you weigh 350 lbs too. And stop wearing spandex shirts.

Fat Girl:

                                Listen fat girl, I love that you are in the gym. I’m excited for you to get your work out on and get in shape. More power to you. But you can’t be wearing the naked sh*t that in shape girls are wearing. You are disrupting my work out because I lose count on my sets when I’m trying to figure out why you have on that tight ass top with all your sides busting out. And then you wanna keep doing all the bend-over stuff right in front of my machine. Stop that. With yo big ass.

                Super Intense Guy:

                                Look, I love a good workout. And I get pumped up too. But why do you have to get up after every set and walk around stomping like a football player who just got a sack? Act like you’ve been there before buddy. Come on.
I could go on for days about this topic, but I have an apple pie I wanna go eat…..What? I’m gonna work out later…so I can eat whatever I want.

*Innocent Thoughts of a Guilty Man”


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